“He looks like a Ventrue.”
“He looks like he has to poop.”
“All Ventrue look like they have to poop.”

“I don’t know how you manage to be SO nice and SO evil at the same time!”

Look trashy, act classy

“We’re at the point now where we’re beating the vultures that have been perched on the dead horse. #cainwreck

And that sound you heard was that of a million political reporters hitting “send” on the story they wrote a month ago. #cainwreck

“I was really disappointed when I found out it was a printer ink cartridge and not a light saber.” #ThingsIActuallySayAtTheOffice

“Shut up, wind. You are a jerk. Stop blowing around LA for attention. We have groupies here for that already.”

“Deleting your facebook is like running away from home. Your just doing it for attention and you’ll be back in an hour.”

“Sometimes, you just want to hit other people in the mouth with a stapler.”

My first thought when I woke up this morning was ‘I need a walrus-to-English dictionary.’ WTF brain. A solid WTF

“They should remake The Breakfast Club where all the characters sit silently engrossed in their iPhones for eight hours.”

when i was young, i imagined that i’d skip my 10 year high school reunion & everyone would speculate that i’d died. thanks a lot Facebook.

“I’m actually a little insulted that Google thought I’d care enough about Wave being cancelled to send me an email”

“Toreadors. The sexiest of frenzies.”
“It’s not so much ‘sexy’ as ‘sassy’.”

Pondering #Occupying Something for fresh air.

Kiss my dementors!

Blood is the new black

This is not a protest. This is a process. #OccupyWallStreet

Late to work because I couldn’t find my fake fangs. #ElissaProblems

Have to wash the fake blood off my jewelry before I can wear it. #ElissaProblems

“Is a metric fuckton an official unit of measurement?”

“I can’t decided if Twitter is more or less effective than scrawling my thoughts inside a bathroom stall…”

“Well, shit. Apparently, I’m joining the Sabbat tomorrow. Gotta read up on all those rules and regulations about killing people…”

“I like Nine Inch Nails because they won a Grammy for a song with the phrase ‘fist fuck’ in it.”

“I’m a little sick, Kat’s a little slammed, and Elissa’s a little angry so… we’re all here.”

“I don’t give a fuck. I’m not gonna pretend every day is awesome. I’m a human being. Some days can suck my dick.”

“I didn’t know being a vampire required quite so many PowerPoint presentations.”
“Page 127 of the Book of Nod – ‘Thou shalt make a slide.'”

“Technically, the PowerPoint is for Werewolf. ‘When will you Rage’ isn’t just a tag line. Gaia needs a timeline and estimates.”

“I… I… don’t know how to say this… I’m watching Twilight.”
“Stay there. Don’t move. I’m calling 911.”

“I don’t even know who that is. Is he gay? Because, if not, I don’t care.”

“Apparently, I have to start watching Dr Who and Battlestar Galactica or my nerd card is getting revoked. And I need that for tax breaks!”

“They need a WILF. They’ve had a MILF but they need a WILF.”
“What’s that? A ‘Werewolf I’d Like To Fuck’?”

“Can you tell your pet robot to stop yelling at us?”

California – a sunny place for shady people

“I’m boooooored. Can we go kill somebody?”
“I have homework. I can’t kill now.”
“You’re useless to me.”


“I wish Colonel Sanders would come over and make my kids some supper.”

“Hitler may have killed 3million people but he sure as hell saved the history channel” -possibly the most ridiculous tweet I’ve seen all day

“Not only do we not have teleporters or hoverboards, we don’t have a gun that shoots bagels. Future, you have failed me!”

“Did… did you just meow the Transformers theme?”
“Actually, I think it was the Jetsons.”

“Breaking news from the Internetz: Everyone hates everything.”

“I do believe it is time to dance. Let me check my watch and… yup. Yup. Time to dance. Bring your stompy boots and meet me in the alley.”

I’m sooooooo tired. I need meth or a nap. Either/or, really.

“Its like the Trojan him and her lube.”
“Which is amazing, btw”
“We don’t need a product review. This is a sign the meeting is almost over.”

“Hi. I’m Emily Jones. I’m an Architect by trade.”
“And a prostitute by choice.”
“No. I don’t charge.”

“Do you like to eat…. people?”
“I like a pint ‘o blood.”
“Where can I get people. In bulk?”
“Vampire Costco?”

“That man is a criminal.”
“We’re all criminals! You shot a room full of people!”
“No. I shot a boat full of people. That’s different.”

“So where would somebody go to get a box full of people around here?” – William, trying to be subtle.

Dear Walking Dead, I watch your show for zombies. If I wanted to watch a show about cheating whores getting pregnant, I’d watch Jersey Shore

Welp, Kim Kardashian officially has more followers than the President of the United States. Excuse me while I unfollow the human race.

“Women should come with one of those Sims style emotional state displays that lets you know if they are PMSing or not.”

“Here. Let me hold that grudge for you. I promise, I won’t ever let it go.”

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