Archive for March, 2005

Esoteric for esoteric’s sake and in other news, I caved.

Posted in books, rant with tags , , , , , on March 18, 2005 by themisse

Why bother being esoteric for esoteric’s sake? I like my mainstream underground bullshit. I like My Chemical Romance, I like AFI, and I’m eagerly anticipating the Taste of Chaos dates in LA. I like my Express Jeans, I like the stickers that I bought at Hot Topic, and I’m going absolutely up the wall waiting for the new Harry Potter book and movie (more on this later in this rant). I think black nail polish and fishnets are always cool and I think platform shoes and/or stompy boots go perfectly with any outfit. The only accessory better than good shoes is a boi in makeup.

I even like Atreyu’s new album.

So what?

What’s the big fucking deal? What’s the point in being so goddamn anti-everything that you’re really just another hive mind? You’re so anti the rock thing that you wear t-shirts faded to pastel, too tight jeans, and you spend your day talking about Elliot Smith’s suicide or Daren Aranofsky’s new movie (which has Hugh Jackman of X-Men and Van Helsing fame in it. Indie film cred… out the door.) Or worse yet, they kids who feel they have to deny and bag on all the “trendy” shit that they are afraid to admit they like. Yes, you do like AFI. And you like HIM and Bam Margera and you think the clothes at Hot Topic are cool. Shut up, accept it, and move on with your life.

I’m seriously starting to feel my age because every time I see some whiney post or hear some little shit bitching at Taco Bell about how they hate how everyone is all into Siouxsie and the Banshees and Blondie now I want to grab them by their perfectly sliced haircut and smash their face into the nasty orange tiles while screaming “YOU WERE BORN IN 1992 YOU SHIT! SHUT THE FUCK UP” Fuck, *I* wasn’t even alive when the Banshee’s were big. But I also don’t pretend to like them. (They had four good songs and are almost as overrated as the Bauhaus. Blow me.)

I can’t imagine how bitter I’m going to be in another ten years. My mother has me, on tape, saying “what’s with kids these days?” at age six. If I’ve been bitter since I was a toddler, I’m going to wind up the old lady mowing down middle schoolers in my Little Rascal (a public service if I ever heard of one).

In other news, I totally caved to the Harry Potter Gods. My books have been out on loan since last summer and I can’t take it anymore… so I bought all five. Again. This now marks the 7th time I have bought these fucking books for myself, never mind for other people. J.K., you bitch, you fucking owe me…

Finally, Fullscale!

Posted in music with tags on March 9, 2005 by themisse

FULLSCALE DROPS TODAY!

Ok, well, its techincally the 9th now but Fullscale’s record is now in stores. You want the hear the band I have been ranting about (what, me rant?) for the better part of a year and half? GO BUY IT!

Knowledge is Absurd

Posted in books with tags on March 7, 2005 by themisse

Holy mother, I remembered to do a book breakdown for the remainder of February! Don’t get your hopes up about March, though. That’s a month of time passing in which I must remember to keep track of what the fuck I read.

Books

- Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk: Another just shut up and read it. I read it even knowing there was a plane crash in it. Can you believe it?

- Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk: Can’t decide if it was better or worse than the movie. It certainly had some memorable parts the film left out. But you can’t help hearing Edward Norton’s voice while you’re reading – especially if you’re like me and your safety net during a really bad 30 hour acid trip was watching Fight Club over and over and over and over ad nauseum. I rate it at a Get the movie and the book.

- Waiting for Gertrude: A Graveyard Gothic by Bill Richardson: A lovely novel in which the famous corpses interred at Piere-Lachiase come back… as cats. Cats who are postmasters, cooks, and yoga instructors as well as dancers and actresses. It’s an incredibly unusual tale that will be utterly lost on anyone not familliar with the works of Oscar Wilde, Edith Piaf, Chopin and more… not to mention the late, great Jim Morrison. I give it a Buy it if you’re bright and well-cultured.

It’s a short list this time but that was all for the last week and a half so eff off.

Movies:

The only flick I’ve seen recently (I’ve been on a Queer as Folk kick) is Constantine. All I have to say is this: I hate Keanu Reeves with a passion unrivialed (I even hate the Matrix) and I loved the movie. That’s all that needs to be said.

This has been a public service provided by your wonderful Miss E.

We rip off everyone

Posted in music with tags , , on March 6, 2005 by themisse

I’m sure some of you have encountered these lovely tunes, but for those of you who have not… these are some little gems you need to take a listen to.

First up is ColdFourtySum. “Double You Tee Eff?” I hear you inquire. Well, what the fuck indeed. Listen to “the Scientist” by Coldplay lightly blended with Sum 41′s new single “Pieces”. Coldplay is in the left channel, Sum in the right. Can you hear the difference? I can’t and neither can may lawyers.

Next up is a lovely band of Canuks known as Nickleback who can’t play their instruments well enough to rip off another band so they are forced to rip off themselves. This is a nice li’l applet that allows you to adjust the blend. No changes to either track are necessary to make them sync up. Sad, huh?

Proof that enough Grammy Award winners are a bunch of talentless rip-off artists, none other than Pop Punk Pioneers Green Day VS. Perennial Patricide Parolees Oasis and then some.

You can sell 14 mil worldwide and still rip off yourself. Not convinced? Try listening to this Linkin Park ditty.

My new favorite band is Beatallica. If you like the Beatles or Metallica or both, go ahead. Listen. Love. Learn.

Poll Time: we love to hate him but still we love him

Posted in politics with tags , on March 3, 2005 by themisse

From a NYTimes Poll in tomorrow’s paper:

Four months after Mr. Bush won a solid re-election over Senator John Kerry, 63 percent of respondents say the president has different priorities on domestic issues than most Americans. Asked to choose among five domestic issues facing the country, respondents rated Social Security third, behind jobs and health care. And nearly 50 percent said Democrats were more likely to make the right decisions about Social Security, compared with 31 percent who said the same thing about Republicans.

How does the nation feel about Mister Bush and foreign policy?

And Mr. Bush does not appear to be much more in step with the nation on what the White House has long viewed as his strong suit: 58 percent of respondents said the White House did not share the foreign affairs priorities of most Americans.

Which leads to this mind-boggler:

For all that, Mr. Bush’s approval rating remains unchanged, at 49 percent, from a month ago, suggesting that the disagreement with Mr. Bush’s ideas has yet to take a toll on America’s view of him.

How is this possible? How can we all agree that Gee Dubya is a hot-headed mental midget who is too focused on contemplating the positioning of his posterior to keep his mind on a speech never mind a nation but still give him our resounding approval? I do not understand this nation.

And furthermore, let me harp once more on my favorite topic; the cultural poison that is infotainment. To whit, FOX News and the syndrome that has swept that nation – if you yell, you are right. And if anyone contradicts you, you tell them they are fucking stupid douche suckers who bend over like a Frenchman.

This is not debating! This is school yard buffoonery befitting only brainless bullies who have neither the mind nor the tongue for political discourse. When did some of our most eloquent politicians fall prey to this beast? Much as I may despise them, there are many Heralds of the Right who make mockery of our most charming poets. And even they, in recent interviews, have given in to this Bill O’Reily style of “shut the fuck uppery.”

Karl Rove, Karl Rove, I love you so, you most devious of men… does it keep you up at night, the damage you have wrought on the human mind and, if we have one, soul? Or do you sleep soundlessly, content that the world as you make it is your Oyster? All my respect you have, Machiavelli, but I still find your manner and methods reprehensible.

Bah, I have read too much Oscar Wilde tonight and I am retiring to read more.

False alarms, lawsuits, and nuke-nuke-nukes

Posted in politics with tags , , , on March 3, 2005 by themisse

First of all, MoJo’s DIDDLY Awards are happening again. Go take a gander (or would that be a Hawk?) at all the overzealous terror-junkies who have raised us to Code Plaid for no good reason in 2004.

Mojo also has a very good article about the American move towards invading Iran; if they have nukes, why they have nukes, and why we want to take them away. This same article ran on ZNet, which also has a great article about Europe’s stance on invading Iran. And that is? Hands off!. Sorry to let the President know, but there is a global test of US policies that effect the rest of the world… and there should be. Let me step up on my soap box for a moment: if any country takes action that effects another country (or countries) than there absolutely is a global test of national policy. If Spain invades Portugal, then it is absolutely the business of Portugal, the EU, the UN, and the world. If Iran puts plans into motion to attack us, I damn well want the rest of the world to disrupt their ability to do such a thing. But such thing is a two way street. We do not own the world (much as we try) and we cannot force American will and way into each and every country. They will resist us and eventually we will spread ourselves thin enough that someone will get through our defenses. Do the math; we don’t have enough troops to occupy and hold Iraq and Iran, never mind the rest of the world.

No one does.

That’s why diplomacy was invented.

And then there is the Kissinger effect; I bet the neo-Cons thank their lucky stars that Americans are too ignorant of their own history to remember who won last seasons American Idol, never mind a scandal like the Iran-Contra affair. Maybe this explains why no one in the media is bothering to remind them.

And the best news of the week: the ACLU is suing Donald Rumsfeld. Now if only Bush would join that pesky World Court…

O v. G: fuck you, film kids

Posted in movies, music with tags , on March 2, 2005 by themisse

It’s time for my comparison between this year’s 47th Annual Grammy Awards and the 77th Annual Academy Awards.

Why oh why oh WHY must we, as an industry, always get upstaged with those camera-wielding buffoons? A bunch of neurotic, coke-snorting narcissists (I mean the film kids, not us) always get the lion’s share of fucking everything in Hollywood. Why? Why?

I’ll tell you. Because we, as an industry, have lost sight of what makes us great, what makes music art and not just commerce. Film lost sight of their art for a while (hello 1980s!) but they have recovered. They have recognized that not all pictures must be Sideways just as not all films must be White Chicks. There has to be a balance of art and profit, of star-driven money-makers and summer block busters with art house films funded by the Sundance Institute and FOX Searchlight.

Where is the artistry in ‘American Idiot’ or the all-Usher, all-the-time show? With all the majors coming off of or still on signing freezes, we’re forced to put out the same shitty music over and over and over again and then blame declining profits on downloading. But this is a different rant, the long and short of which boils down to fuck you, major labels.

My original and intended rant, which I have strayed from, was a comparison between this years “please god, someone tell us we’re finally hip” Oscars and the excruciatingly boring Grammy Awards. The Oscars went out of their way to revamp their image this year, with off-the-wall host Chris Rock and the multi-pronged attack format of presenting awards. But they still kept their integrity (such-as-it-is for a glorified fashion show) by nominating movies that lent the requisite mystique to the word ‘Oscar.’ All the movies may have been pictures that no straight black man would ever watch (Thanks Mister Rock!) but they were undeniably some of the most poignant, well-written, and flawlessly produced pieces of cinema made by the Americans this year. (And I do mean the Incredibles as part of that statement.) And if Johnny had to lose, at least he lost to the man who should have won for best actor instead of to the filmic eqivilant of Simple Plan.

In contrast, the Grammys once again let MTV dictate what ‘good’ music is supposed to be. When Usher ( I keep harping on him, sorry baby boo) is up for 3 out of 5 Grammys for R&B, there is a goddamn problem. Some of it is the shit we put out as an industry and some of it is NARAS. They have never understood what it is to be “an innovator in music.” The Grammy in each category is supposed to go to the artist who expanded the bounds of said category. Once upon a time, only the most obscure acts who had no impact on the genre were rewarded. (Give the Beatles some more Grammys for fuck’s sake! Led Zepplin! And never mind giving Jethro Tull the Heavy Metal Grammy above Metallica and giving Metallica the Grammy last year, you brainless twats!) Now the opposite holds true. If you’ve been at number one on TRL for more than five weeks, you’re probably going to get nominated. If you have a reality tv show on a Viacom subsidary, you’re probably going home with at least one golden champagne flute… sorry, gramaphone horn.

And the categories! Incubus should have won Best Rock… but Best Heavy Metal? Against Metallica, Motorhead, Slipknot, and Cradle of Filth? Who the fuck is doing the nominations? (Okay, I know who is but allow me to be rhetorical.) And U2? They are legends, they are amazing, Joshua Tree is a landmark record… but not How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. Dookie changed the face of American punk, not American Idiot.

And then there was the telecasts themselves. Neither was particularly outstanding but the Grammys were just horrendous. If I didn’t want to see my friends who were there, I wouldn’t have watched. Fuck, I chose to go to work over go to the actual event! You know when you’re turning down the “hottest seat in town” that it’s a boring ass spectacular spectacular. The multi-band opening was painful, the Kayne West number was so preachy I wanted to scream, and everything else blurs together like MTV Hits after a few hits of acid. The speeches were dull, the fashions were boring, and all of Queen Latifa’s spunk must have been liposuctioned out of her.

At least Chris Rock made the Oscars somewhat interesting.

How do the rate with everyone else who isn’t little ol’ over-opinionated industry kid me? With 18.8 Million viewers (a 28 per cent drop from the 2004 Grammys and the lowest rated Grammy broadcast since 1995, the Grammys lack luster. But even the Oscar’s fell below their 43.5 mil last year. But when will the Grammys reach the 41.5 million the Oscars got to this year?

All I ask, people, is that my industry just stop sucking for just a little while.

And with that, I am retiring to watch FUSE and bug the artists.

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